dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
