That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
