If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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