Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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