I accidentally burped into my bong.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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