I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
