it hurts more in the daytime
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
