I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
