By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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