they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
