I CAN MOONWALK!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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