I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
