Your face is a jimmy john
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
