just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
