Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
