look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
