I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she told me i tasted like america
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
