you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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