Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
