dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
