Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
