we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
