I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Holy shit dude........stairs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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