we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
