You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
