Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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