like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
