normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
