I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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