Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
