What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
