will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
