well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
