Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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