Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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