He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
