so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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