I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
