Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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