She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
