Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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