apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
