Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize