the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
