shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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