Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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