kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
