this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
