Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
