If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
