Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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