absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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