would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
