Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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