you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
