We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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