College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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