Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The Olympian is in my bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
