Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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