i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
