at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
