i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
