Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
