I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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